The single most important lesson I’ve learned so far is learning how to live life for myself. At nearly 28 years old, this couldn’t have come at a better time. The foolishness of youth is that you’re under the impression that you have a lot of time. But ask anyone over 25 and they’ll be quick to point out just how precious those years truly are. Even more important, they’ll point out just how quickly the time passes. I spent so much of my late teens and majority of my twenties involved and invested in a relationship (the same one in fact). So much so that when that relationship ended, I felt as if I was robbed of the precious time I could have spent getting to know and bettering myself. I didn’t know who I was outside of it, I felt like a shadow of something I didn’t recognize. I was 26 when that relationship ended and I felt more lost than when it started at 17.
I had lost touch with myself over the course of 9 years, the last two of which were so tumultuous that I was in a constant state of stress. I don’t regret the relationship, but if I’m honest, I do regret the last two years of it. Why I stayed and put myself through such a stressful situation, I don’t know. How I managed to stay sane after two years of insanity, I don’t know. I won’t go into details on what went on during that time, but just know that it was an unhealthy situation on my behalf. That I managed to pull myself out of it relatively unscathed (well… maybe it’s too early to call this one, but so far so good at least), is a complete miracle.
That was a little over a year ago, and I’m definitely a completely different person now. How I feel about life, myself, my friends, my family, and my future has completely changed, and really all for the better. My post from a few weeks ago definitely sums up my general attitude about life. It sounds sickly sweet and obtusely happy, but it’s the honest truth. I absolutely love life and everything it has to offer. Right now I really am living life for myself. To be honest, the moment I started to do so, everything else sort fell nicely into place. I’ve made the decision to stop eating meat (really not difficult if I’m honest) and because I occasionally do eat seafood, I’m technically a Pescatarian. I’ve finally purchased a bike (bicycle) so that I can cut down on driving. I’ve chosen to go back to school to pursue a field of study I would never have considered years ago, but I’m so incredibly passionate about it, just learning about it brings me great joy. Going back to school full time means that I have little time to work and make money, so I have learned the art of budgeting. But learning how to live with less has taught me to live with only the things I love.
If you asked me where my life was going 5 years ago, it would have been to get married and have kids. If you were to ask me that same question today, I would say that I have NO fucking clue, but I would answer that with a smile. You see, the fact that my life can head a million different directions means it’s full of possibility… and that thrills me so much I often get overwhelmed and tear up with joy. I realize that for some giving up full control of your life maybe scary. All I know is that I plan on living my life filling it up with things, people and moments I love. So you see it doesn't matter I am in 5 years time, because wherever I end up, it will most definitely be filled with love.
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